Heartbroken shitty post

I honestly try not to dwelve too much in my first world problems. I try to solve them efficiently  and not suffer from them unnecessarily. 

Sometimes it's hard to be positive when all the criminal arrows are pointing at you. This is all because of you, you deserved this...and that...

I hear it so much to the point that I've come to believe this is the way things have always been.

I lost a best friend today. I tried so hard, to assess anything I managed to have done wrong. Usually, it's easy for me, I'm pessimistic enough to always find a way to fault myself.

But this time, I can't find what I did wrong.

I know I've made mistakes, but I can't understand what would have been bad enough to lose a friend over. I've been betrayed, hurt, thrown away, and in this instant I can't defend anyone else besides me. 

Losing a friend hurts more than breaking up with my first boyfriend. And back then, I felt like it was the end of the world.

I don't know how I'll ever be able to recover. 

And I'm sure the other party believes I'm villainous and shouldn't be pitied.

They are simple-minded if they believe a villain has no feelings.

I haven't posted in a year and I come back with a shitty post.

What was this blog meant for anyway?